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The current year signifies a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {